Author: Mosh
Fandom: Brokeback Mountain
Title: Better Than Never
Pairing: Ennis/Jack
Rating: R
Summary: If it wasn't for circumstance...
Disclaimer: These boys belong to Annie Proulx. No money being made, no copyright or trademark infringement intended.
A/N: With thanks to the beautiful Vee for the beta. 700 words. :)

Note: You may not archive, re-post, or alter any of my stories without my permission. Please contact me first. Thanks!

"These baked beans," sighed Ennis. "They're never enough for me."

"So don't eat the beans."

"There's nothin else."

"So starve."

Ennis swallowed his mouthful, his throat burning from the hot juice. "What's eatin you?"

"You know what."

"No, I don't."

Frustration was etched into every line on Jack's face; it heightened the colour of his eyes, that light, swirling grey; made them sharper, brighter. "This ain't about no can of fuckin beans, Ennis. I know what you're gettin at, goddamn it."

"And what am I gettin at?"

Kicking the ground with the toe of one worn-down boot, Jack shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away. "Us. Always us, ain't it? Never enough, and all that."

"Yeah, well," said Ennis, stabbing his spoon into the can of steaming beans. "Circumstances-"

"Don't even start with me on that old circumstances shit. I know already. Known since you first walked away from me." Jack was rigid in the sparse moonlight.

Ennis had nothing to say to that. What could he say? Sorry about the wife and kids, Jack. Sorry Brokeback ain't enough for us any more. Sorry for the four years apart, then the other two, then the one after that. Not a chance. Jack already knew.

"You drove away. I stood there, and you drove off in your truck," Ennis finally sighed.

"Yeah, I did. But it ain't all my fault."

"It's..." nobody's fault but circumstance. But Ennis couldn't finish, couldn't rehash it again. It was like they were winding round in circles all the damn time - and no doubt would forever more - coming to no end, just a certain kind of limbo. "Sometimes I hate you, Jack Twist."

"Mutual." There was a quirk in Jack's voice, like maybe he was smiling; it was hard to tell.

Sheep called mellow in the darkness, somewhere far away, reminding them of better days. Christ, that hurt. Threatened to drag Ennis under. He had to get out of his slump or he'd be in no fit state to go home in the morning.

A bitter sound drifted over their makeshift camp, carried on the light wind. It took a moment for Ennis to realise Jack had started up his old harmonica, out of tune, near enough a cat fight call, but still, sweet in its simplicity. Jack played, his back turned, just blowing on that beaten bit of metal to his heart's content. He was saying something, sure enough, without saying anything at all.

"Come here," Ennis said finally, utterly lost and head swimming.

The music ceased abruptly, going up on an odd note at the end.

He couldn't look as Jack drew closer, closer still. The harmonica fell at his feet, unsettling the dirt. He stared at it, Jack's hand coming up around his neck, pinching at the back.

"Friend." Whispered almost inaudibly.

"Christ," Ennis said, breaking and coming back together, then breaking again, momentum out of control. There wasn't a word for this, nothing in the English language anyway and he didn't know any other languages so there it was.

"Hey."

"Jack-"

Salt of sweat and wet of tongue, Jack's mouth shut him up good and proper. Ennis leaned in, sliding off the tree stump he'd made his throne and into Jack who he'd made his home all those long years ago. Just like old times, it only felt right to kiss back. Always felt right like that.

A hand fiddled roughly at his belt, then his buttons... then his skin.

"Cowboy."

He felt rather than saw the smile against his cheek, curling up and settling there. "Beans ain't nothing to fight over."

"It's never about beans." Ennis let his head fall back, allowed Jack to re-learn him, came soundly with a grunt and a buck of his hips, right into Jack's palm, freight-train force and then a long, slow exhale.

A cigarette was rolled between Jack's damp fingers then pushed at Ennis's mouth. He pulled on it, sucked it up, let it out.

"Next year.... that ain't so far away." Jack stole the cigarette back, and Ennis watched the orange-glowing end flare up as he drew in a lungful. "Not far away. Better than never at all." Smoke wound snake-like up into the deep navy air as Jack spoke.

There was some resolve. Not all, or even most, but some. A little bit, just enough.

These rare, snatched moments were better than nothing, Ennis told himself.

Like Jack said, they were better than never at all.

~Fin~